Right now, lets just run
About a week ago, I read a rather funny but eye opening book called "The Terrible & Wonderful Reasons Why I Run Long Distances" by Matthew Inman. After failing to complete my goal, one particular passage stuck with me. I had a "Blerch" of my own and it was my own thoughts. My head was getting in the way of my running and me doing what I love. The book explains about how his Blerch would come up with endless excuses why he shouldn't run and that it was easier to stop. But time and time again, he would become stronger than the Blerch within him and prevail to eventually defeat the Blerch and become an Ultra-runner.
Out on the trails, there are countless demons within us that tell us what we could be doing instead or how easy it would be to quit and I think I let the Blerch get the best of me in my last race. I was counting on a specific goal instead of focusing on the bigger picture, which was to accomplish something different than I had done before and see what my body was capable of. But instead, I gave up on myself.
I emailed my coach and told him what was going through my head. As always, my coach had a simple yet fitting answer. I completed a 200 miler in September around lake Tahoe and never once felt like giving up. I had trained so hard for that one goal, and although it was rather tough at times, I didn't quit. Luckily my body kept up with my mind and I was physically able to complete the task when others had to quit for sincere reasons. But that was my goal. After something like that, what's next? I'm constantly asked that, and I don't have an answer yet. My coach suggested I just run for now. If I felt like it was a chore or that it was too much or I had too much on my mind other than running, I needed to let it go and either just run or take care of more pressing issues. I shouldn't look at a race as an actual race, but more of just a chance to run and do something amazing.
So for now, I'm just running. I have lots of demons that continue to tell me why I shouldn't do something that I love to do. I have many many other things I could be doing instead. I'm a mom, a Sports Chiropractor still building my business, a wife, and a friend to many. But running is what I love. If it's a chore, I will wait for a day I feel like I need the wind at my back. But now, in this moment, I'm going for a run, because running is what I absolutely love and there's absolutely nothing I would rather be doing.